Agoraphobia

"Anxiety about being in places or situations from which escape might be difficult (or embarrassing) or in which help may not be available in the event of having an unexpected or situationally predisposed Panic Attack or panic-like symptoms. Agoraphobic fears typically involve characteristic clusters of situations that include being outside the home alone; being in a crowd or standing in a line; being on a bridge; and traveling in a bus, train, or automobile.
.....
The situations are avoided (e.g., travel is restricted) or else are endured with marked distress or with anxiety about having a Panic Attack or panic-like symptoms, or require the presence of a companion."
http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis1/p21-an02.html

I do have a bit of agoraphobia, which literally means "fear of the marketplace." However, I've never had, nor do I expect to have panic attacks. I just get very nervous when I'm outside the home and in a new place. For instance, today I took my car to the dealership for some routine warranty work (oil change, etc.). On the way home, I decided to stop at Shoney's for lunch, as I was hungry and it was after 11 a.m. I almost didn't turn into the parking lot. When I did get into the parking lot, I was about half out of the car when I had a sudden impulse to get back in and drive away. I didn't do it. I went in all by myself, which is tough enough to eat alone, and had a nice lunch. My agoraphobia is more about being in a place I've never been before. I have no trouble at all talking with strangers just like I've known them for years. It's the new place that bothers me. When I go into a store or restaurant, I see lots and lots of shapes and colors and it's always either too bright or too dark. Then there are the sounds, typical restaurant sounds or "WalMart" sounds. I'm inundated with stimuli! I feel as if I'm drowning in it. I can't focus on any one thing, or make heads or tails out of what's in front of me. If there's a line to go through, I can't find the end of it or where it's going. If there's an aisle to be negotiated, I can't see where it's going, or what's on the shelves--there's just too much of it all! And that blaring intercom they have at WalMart is horrible. Those employees who are allowed to make announcements should have voice modulation lessons before they're allowed near a microphone. I don't know why I'm like this. My husband says it's part of my dysautonomia. I don't know. I've not read anything about dysautonomia that would indicate that I'd have this trouble with visual and auditory stimuli. (When I was diagnosed with MVP about 15 years ago at the MVP Clinic in Bham, they told me I had dysautonomia, which sometimes comes with MVP.)

I don't have trouble meeting new people, though. There was a lady and I guess it was her husband sitting in the booth across from me at the restaurant, and she had on a Univ. of Kentucky tee-shirt. I don't know if a grandchild is a student there, or if she is from Kentucky. I wanted to catch her eye and comment on her shirt, since I'm from Kentucky, and it's nice to see someone from the "My Old Kentucky Home." However, I couldn't catch her eye, even when I saw her at the cash register. I tried to listen a bit to their conversation to see if they sounded "Kentucky," but I'm a bit hard of hearing which makes it well nigh impossible to hear in a restaurant, so that was no good. Come to think of it, my not being able to catch her eye might be evidence that she is from Kentucky. Kentuckians generally do not talk to strangers, or make eye contact with them. I've just learned to do that by living in the deep south for the past, oh, 35 years now, I guess.

I never get to eat beef, because my husband quit eating red meat decades ago, so I had sweet tea, a nice salad, roast beef, gravy, mashed potatoes, kale, and apple betty with a huge spoonful of whipped cream! Now, I did watch my portions, and I did not take a biscuit or a corn muffin, because mainly I didn't want to come away in pain from being too full. I thoroughly enjoyed that meal.

I really do need to get myself out more often. I'll be out again tomorrow, though. My husband has the day off from work, and we're going "into town" to the court house to apply for passports, and he promised me that we'd have lunch at Miller's Drug Store, which has renovated itself to reflect the 1950's and we haven't seen it yet. I hope we do that.

So I guess considering today's outing, and tomorrow's (however it turns out), I'll have my fill of "being out" for a while, especially after this coming 4-day weekend! (Lord, help me!)

Y'all take care.

Second Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina

So, today it's been two years since Hurricane Katrina came smashing into the Gulf Coast bringing death and destruction. My mother-in-law was killed in that storm, but I didn't remember today until late this afternoon. I guess that's good. I do miss her, though, even though she was not all that happy that I took up space on this planet. All that is over now, though. In spite of her narcissism, paranoia, and borderline personality, she was a good woman, better than I in many ways, and I always knew that. I just couldn't deal with her faults. I just wish the northern media would report on more than just the Northerner's Playground. I don't think my husband realizes what day it is today, and I'm not going to tell him. Why remind him of pain when he's doing so well?

I spent the day pretending to do some laundry and fighting pollen allergies. It seems that some weed is throwing out it's stuff in record numbers today. I've sneezed, sniffled, and snorted all day. And it just got worse as the day got older, even with the infuser going all afternoon with eucalyptis oil in it, and even with me taking some antihistamines. Finally, to complete the day, I developed what used to be called a "sick headache" around 5 p.m. Just plain yuck. Head hurt, felt nauseous, gassy. It's getting better, though. Guess I should get back in the kitchen and finish those dishes. I have half of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and half of them still in the sink. All that twisting and bending from sink to washer was making me really feel sick.

I'm sorry to post such a blah post. Tomorrow I have to take my car to the dealer for some warranty work (oil change, filters, tires), so I'll probably be in a good mood tomorrow. Getting out always perks me up.

Oh, my goodness!

I am now finally able to access this blog again. I lost/forgot my user name and password, then couldn't retrieve it from the PTB, so I just gave up and forgot about it. But thanks to a friend's post on another group just this morning, I "found" this URL again. I had created my own Yahoo 360 blog and a blog on Orthodox Circle, and it seems another one somewhere else, but I can't remember that, either. Well, up and running again here, so I hope to get back into the swing of blogging in one place again. Meanwhile, here's a little something my priest emailed to us this morning. Brings a smile to your face and a knowing nod to your head, doesn't it?

THINGS YOU DON'T HEAR ANYMORE

Be sure to refill the ice trays, we're going to have company afterwhile.

Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Aunt Mary in the mail today.

Quit slamming the screen door on your way out.

Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower coming up.

Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.

Wash your feet before you go to bed, they are nasty from playing outside all day barefooted.

Why can't you remember to roll up your pant legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.

Your have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.

Don't you go outside with your good school clothes on.

Go comb your hair. It looks like the rats have nested in it all night.

Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.

Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.

Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won't get on it.

Quit jumping on the floor. I have a cake in the oven and you're going to make it fall if you don't quit.

Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes. I need to get a few things from him.

You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to push it off.

There's a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.

Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here. It's getting hot.

You can walk to the store. It won't hurt you to get some exercise.

Don't sit to close to the TV. It's hard on your eyes.

If you pull that stunt again I am going to wear you out.

Don't loose that button; I'll sew it back afterwhile.

Wash under your neck before you come to the table.

Get from under the sewing machine. Pumping it messes up the thread.

Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't have to do it in the dark tonight.

Here, take this old magazine to the toilet when you go. We are almost out of paper out there.

Go to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.

Don't turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.

No. I don't have nine cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?

Eat those vegetables. They'll make you big and strong like your daddy.

That dog is not coming in this house. I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs just don't come in the house.

Sit still. I'm trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it's all botched up.

Hush your mouth. I don't want to hear words like that. I'll wash your mouth out with soap.

It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of Castor Oil tonight.

If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you'll get another one when you get home.

Quit crossing your eyes. They will get stuck that way.

Soak your foot in this pan of Coal Oil (or Pine Sol) so that cut won't get infected.

When you take your driving test don't forget to signal each turn. Left arm straight out the window for a left turn; left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn; and straight down the side of the door when you are going to stop.

It is "Yes sir" and "No sir" to me young man, and don't you forget it.

While we're at Aunt Mary's and Uncle John's you kids can eat when the adults get through and I don't want to hear any "I don't like this stuff". Keep your mouth shut and eat everything on your plate.