Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Friends
What are these people we call "friends"? Who are they? How are they defined? How do we find them? How do we make and keep "friends"? How do they make us feel connected? What makes you feel 'connected' to your friends? I'm curious to know what others think about this.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Wanted: A Mutual Admiration Society
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbdSnVOc9ew
The other day a lady on one of the several Orthodox fora I subscribe to made the comment that being Orthodox can be a very lonely thing. After thinking about this for a while, I was reminded of this song that was popular back in the mid 1950's when I was a little girl. I got to thinking about loneliness and friendship and all that stuff, and I wondered why a person feels lonely in a Church that preaches love, acceptance, and forgiveness? I mean, we're all in this together, aren't we? We're supposed to "bear one another's burdens" and encourage one another, aren't we? There doesn't seem to be much of that going around in any group of people, not just Orthodox. Oh, there are always the small groups of people who are "BFF" and who have known each other forever who form such tight cliques that no one else is really welcome into the "inner circle." People are, "of course," welcome, but they are usually and completely unintentionally relegated to the periphery and never truly accepted fully. This is natural, but it's sad.
Everyone, in my opinion (which is worth what you pay for it), is born with an innate hunger for acceptance. It's more than just "acceptance," it's a need to know that you are recognized as "special" and valued even in just a small way. There's an innate hunger for a true "Mutual Admiration Society." People vie with one another to give the prettiest, most thoughtful, most elegantly wrapped presents at birthdays, anniversaries, Namedays, Christmas, whatever; but all this competition is not exclusively aimed at pleasing the recipient, although that figures largely in it. There is a kernel of the thought that just maybe the giver will be recognized as "special." When friends, even very good and long-time friends, look at each other, there is always that tiny searching for a spark in the other's eyes that says that the friend recognizes you, the person, the special and unique person who has intrinsic value. Friends like this are rare and hard to find and beyond value. I wonder if that's because we are all searching for that spark in another's eyes and not trying to ignite that spark in our own eyes for our friends. What is it that we are afraid of? Is it that we fear that the other will not reflect our attempts at friendship? Do we fear an ultimate rejection? Whatever it is, it is pervasive and apparently incurable.
What do we think will happen if we do not see that spark of recognition and acceptance? What do we think will happen if we are ultimately rejected? Would anything change? Does our perception of our intrinsic worth depend on another person's recognition of it?
The other day a lady on one of the several Orthodox fora I subscribe to made the comment that being Orthodox can be a very lonely thing. After thinking about this for a while, I was reminded of this song that was popular back in the mid 1950's when I was a little girl. I got to thinking about loneliness and friendship and all that stuff, and I wondered why a person feels lonely in a Church that preaches love, acceptance, and forgiveness? I mean, we're all in this together, aren't we? We're supposed to "bear one another's burdens" and encourage one another, aren't we? There doesn't seem to be much of that going around in any group of people, not just Orthodox. Oh, there are always the small groups of people who are "BFF" and who have known each other forever who form such tight cliques that no one else is really welcome into the "inner circle." People are, "of course," welcome, but they are usually and completely unintentionally relegated to the periphery and never truly accepted fully. This is natural, but it's sad.
Everyone, in my opinion (which is worth what you pay for it), is born with an innate hunger for acceptance. It's more than just "acceptance," it's a need to know that you are recognized as "special" and valued even in just a small way. There's an innate hunger for a true "Mutual Admiration Society." People vie with one another to give the prettiest, most thoughtful, most elegantly wrapped presents at birthdays, anniversaries, Namedays, Christmas, whatever; but all this competition is not exclusively aimed at pleasing the recipient, although that figures largely in it. There is a kernel of the thought that just maybe the giver will be recognized as "special." When friends, even very good and long-time friends, look at each other, there is always that tiny searching for a spark in the other's eyes that says that the friend recognizes you, the person, the special and unique person who has intrinsic value. Friends like this are rare and hard to find and beyond value. I wonder if that's because we are all searching for that spark in another's eyes and not trying to ignite that spark in our own eyes for our friends. What is it that we are afraid of? Is it that we fear that the other will not reflect our attempts at friendship? Do we fear an ultimate rejection? Whatever it is, it is pervasive and apparently incurable.
What do we think will happen if we do not see that spark of recognition and acceptance? What do we think will happen if we are ultimately rejected? Would anything change? Does our perception of our intrinsic worth depend on another person's recognition of it?
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Sometimes...
Sometimes when life brings a soul-wearying day as it did yesterday, I wish for someone to just be with in a restful way. Someone who is not judgemental or accusing. Someone who won't sugarcoat her comments, but will just be there to support and encourage and remind me that I'm not the only pebble on the beach, but in a kind way. Someone who can and will recognize when I need support and give it, even though I'm doing something stupid; and then later, when I'm stronger, tell me I was doing something stupid. Last year about this time I thought I had several such friends, but I found I was sadly mistaken in my perception of the relationship. However, God in His goodness has not left me alone, but He has sent me one such beautiful soul. Even though she is semi-invalid and pain is her constant companion, she finds time and energy from her heavy workload and worries to encourage me, pick me up with a funny story, remind me gently that I'm not the only person who has troubles, and tell me when I am right and when I am wrong. What a treasure. Thank you, dear friend. You know who you are.
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